


Portfolio

by SteampunkCow



Category: Homestuck, Homestuck AU - Fandom
Genre: Acting, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Artists, Breakups, Coming Out, Crying, DJing, Drama, Drinking, Fluff, Kissing, Love, M/M, Outing, Pain, Painting, Performances, Rap, Sadness, Sadstuck, Shakespeare, Singing, True Colors, Truth, What is love, Writing, baby dont hurt me, being in the closet, dont hurt me, friends or lovers, happiness, highschool, no more, rapping, resolutions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 16:12:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1611356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteampunkCow/pseuds/SteampunkCow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Dirk were living a secret life as lovers... until one of them realizes that he cant handle the strain of being second best, and the other realizes that his true feelings have a time limit to be revealed.<br/>What will this one choose?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another role play... they're addictive. but hey, cherubplay props!

It was the same as every time he called. Dave was left lying naked on the motel bed, covered in sweat with nothing but emptiness inside. His heart ached as he watched the other put their clothes back on and was about to leave him here, again. About to go back to his girlfriend that he swore he loved. Just the way he swore he was straight, and then snuck around to see Dave every Saturday, same place, same time. Pulling the blanket over him, he stumbled to the edge of the bed. “Can’t you stay a bit longer?” He asked quietly.

Dirk hesistated as he slipped on his jacket, looking back at Dave over his shoulder, his shades were still off, but that's how it was with Dave. Open... and yet here they were, still a dark secret kept far back in his head until the weekend... at least that's what he tried for, but Dave had a way of haunting his everythought when he was with his girlfriend, Jane, she was sweet.. but in the way that cakes were too sweet. too much frosting or something like that. Dirk sighed, chewing the inside of his cheek. "Dave, I really shouldn't. Odds are, she's gonna figure something eventually and go crocker on my ass. I can't be called on a liar, I ain't one. Y'know that. I love her man."

"Whatever I guess I'll see you around campus..." He mutters getting up before Dirk can see the tears forming in his eyes. He gets to the bathroom turning on the water for a shower and shutting the door before he lets his tears roll down his cheeks. He cries almost silently as he steps into the shower curling up at the bottom of the tub. He can't do this anymore; he really cant, but he'll keep doing it because somewhere along in their friendship Dave had fallen in love with the other so he would go to the end of the world and back to make Dirk happy. He would do it even if it meant tearing himself apart, because to see Dirk happy was worth it.

"yeah." Dirk mumbled as he turned on his heel, walking quickly out of the motel room- the door falling shut behind him with an ominous thud- closing the door of his denial again. Leading way to who he was. Dirk Strider, robotics and arts double major, dj at the radio station on campus, and straight boyfriend of Jane Crocker.. nothing more but good friends with Dave. He huffed, shaking his head of the heated thought that swamped his mind when he thought of Dave, he couldnt be like this, he wasn't. It was just.. some sort of.. fucked up thing about him. Maybe a phase.. he didn't know, everything was a daze in his life, except when he was with Dave, he could see everything as it was except his relationship. He was utterly convinced he loved Janey, but somewhere deep in his mind, he couldn't really see himself with her. Not like with Dave. He made it to the parking lot, hooking on the helmet of his motorcycle before kicking it into gear, giving one last glance at the badly lit light of the motel 6 before he sped off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mention sadstuck

It had been a week now and during the entire week Dave has completely ignored Dirk although he will admit to a bit of stalking. He has been watching Dirk and Jane just being together and being happy no matter how much it killed him. So here he was again, Saturday afternoon, and for once Dave he no intention of sex. He couldn't do this anymore he really couldn't so he planned to break things off with the other. In order for that to happen though Dirk would have to actually get to the hotel, he was really late for some reason.

Dirk didn't show up the rest of saturday, and it wasn't until sunday that he saw Dave again, or.. Dave saw him. Dirk was too busy too notice him, or busy enough to try not to notice him- in fact, he wasn't busy at all, he was nursing his heart. Drawing in his sketchbook, clutched close to his chest, his knees pulled up to his chest as he sat against the tree where he had first met Dave. lIterally the fateful day back in freshman year of college, close to 3 years ago... fateful because that's when he had started dating Jane.. funny now how everything seemed reversed. Yesterday had been his anniversary with her. His anniversary of sorts with Dave... and yesterday was when he had finally broke. Dirk had thought he could've kept it up longer, he had more confidence in himself.. but it turned out that he had just been decieving himself of that as well. Not even his calculating mind could've predicted that he would break.. no more like shatter like he had yesterday. He had broken up with Janey. No, she had broken up with him? He couldn't tell, it certainly wasnt one sided, but he had no idea which side he was on, which side had won, or even if there was a winner. He felt like a loser, no, not like a loser, he was a loser. A lying jerk that couldn't even admit to himself, let alone to the man he loved that he did, in fact, love them. He gritted his teeth, shaking his head again of the thought- scratching the dark lines furiously onto the page, forcing himself not to dwell on anything, he didnt even realize what he was etching onto the page. Dave, over and over again. The word, his face, his body, his eyes, everything about him- his mind was outpouring onto the page. And he couldn't do anything to stop himself.

Dave comes uo to the tree his shades pushed up into his hair so Dirk can see his eye and all the hurt and pain that's inside them. "Dirk... We need to talk I can't keep doing this anymore with you. It's killing me inside knowing that after each and every time we have sex you are always going back to Jane.... It hurts me so bad because...." He chews his lip taking in a breath. "Because I'm absolutely in love with you..." He paces in front of Dirk as he begins to ramble. "I've loved you since before all of this started, back when we were just friends. You can't understand how much this is hurting me when time and time again I ask you too stay knowing you can't and watching you leave me there each time. Each time I see you and Jane walking together in the campus a part of me dies in side. Just if you love her Dirk I can't do this with you..." He doesn't look at the other or what hes sketching as he continues to pace in front of him. "Me, falling in love, that wasn't supposed to happen Dirk. I didnt /mean/ for it to happen. Just as I got to know you better, watched all the dorky things you do, how fucked up your sense of humor is, the way your eyes light up when your talking about something the really inspires you, all of that and even more is why i fell in love with you to begin with. I'm sorry Dirk..." He turns on his hells to walk away with tears falling in his wake.

Dirk dropped his pencil, watching the pages of Dave flutter onto the ground as he stood up. He didn't know why Dave was walking away, Dirk was alone now; again.. was he? Dave had just said he loved him.. but they were over... but he was over with Jane too. So much for a figured life. He gulped- watching Dave as he walked away, he could see the slouch in his shoulders, the tell tale jitter in his hands that he got when he was upset, Dirk knew he was crying, he didnt have to have looked up at his face to know that. He knew Dave so well.. his heart throbbed and he took a step, his arm reached out, his voice barely audible as a "wait-" spilled from his lips before he realized that he was stopping himself. He was holding his arm back with his other one- cringing at the sound of his voice- his own eyes awash with burning tears. Maybe this was for the best. Afterall, Dirk could barely tell who he was anymore. The only person he knew was Dave.. but how could he deserve Dave's love if he was this pitiful fool that he was...loveless. He couldn't be loved if he didn't know who he was. He had spent so long denying himself, that he had lost himself. Dikr knelt again, picking up his sketchbook and pencil, holding them with shaking hands as he stood back up- looking back to see if Dave had heard him.. his mind telling him to run, as he had always done. His heart telling him to stay put and wait for Dave.

Dave had in fact heard Dirks soft voice and despite his crying or his trembling he stayed; he always would for dirk. He chews his lip breathing deeply just trying to calm himself down. "W-what is it?" He murmurs still not turning to look at Dirk.

"Jane and I aren't..." Dirk starts.. but he doesn't have the heart to finish.. it was quite clear what he meant though.. He wasn't with her anymore. He was broken... Dirk shook his head again, biting his lip. Dave had heard him, but Dirk truly didn't know what he was meaning to say, if anything. Instead, he began babling, stumbling over his words, his thoughts spilling from his lips just as they had splatter on his page like tears. "I don't know.. You probably hate me for this, there's no way you can love me. 84% chance that you don't even believe that I can love anyone because obviously I've been lying this whole time whether to you or Jane I don't even know. But somehow I've managed to simultaneously disintegrate all connections I had with the both of you. But you might say otherwise, there's that convinent little 16% chance that you actually will forgive me for being such a despicable asshole. But I can't tell. I'm probably pulling this out of my ass just as I pulled the rest of my life out of that cleft. " He hiccuped, his chest feeling tight, he barely knew what he was saying. Everything was just too confusing.

Dave finally turns around to face the other his tears streaming freely at this point. "Dirk how do you feel about me? Depending on your answer here it might increase the sixteen percent to about a seventy five...." He smiles weakly at Dirk before his expression dropping and he looks at the ground chewing his lip again.

 

Again, Dirk didn't know why he did what he does. Dirk shakes his head, his fist whiteknuckled at the bidning of his sketchbook chock full of his heart, his true feelings- bound away. "I don't know anymore, Dave." His voice was rough, an intone that Dave knew well as Dirks unconscious default voice when he said any untruths. Dirk did know how he felt, somehow. He knew, at least, that he loved Dave. But still- his denial hit him afresh, and he fibbed. Cursedly lying to his hearts face.

Dave claps a hand over his mouth choking down a sob as Dirk just spits out a lie to him. "Dirk come talk to me when you actually want to talk rather then lie..." He mutters before rushing away his tears falling behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Dirk stood there for a while afterwards, losing track of the the time he remained underneath the tree- long past watching Daves tears evarporate on the ground... Long enough for the sun to set in his heart as well as the in the sky. Finally he took in a breath, shakily turning around and heading back to his dorm. Taking every step in a painful jest of walking, stuttering with his heart. He was so stupid. He had messed up. He loved Jane. He loved Dave. He didn't love Jane. He loved Dave. Every step, a thought. Every thought another beat of his heart. He had everything figured at last. He had lost everything in the process, but at least he knew now. At least was certainly the truth. He was at the bottom of life, fallen from the top, but on the ground, he was grounded. Repetition. He loved Dave. Dirks tears dripped onto his feet, slipping from his chin as he walked into his room- thankful for the solitary confinement of the closed door for once. Just like the room of the motel 6. In here he was himself. In here, he couldnt lie- in here he could love Dave, and he could cry.

-

The next day Dave spent the entire time avoiding Dirk but it was quite difficult feeing as they had three classes together. That's where he was now, his last class of the day and of course it had to be with Dirk of course. As the teacher dismisses them Dave tries to quickly gather up his stuff to leave.

Dirk had somehow managed to talking himself into admitting to Dave his feelings, in the most personal way he really could- not with his words, but essentially closer with his heart. There would be an art show for the end of the semester that coming saturday. The day they would normally meet up and.. anything. It was the day he had spent almost two whole years dedicating to this, affair with Dave. Of course, it would be only right that he could confess himself on that day through his heart, the one thing he couldnt mess up with his words, his vocal chords couldnt betray him on the muted but yelling papers. Dirk approached Dave at the end of class, catching him before he had finished packing up his stuff. Uncertainly starting, "Dave, i know that I.. well I was.. I am pretty confused, and a plain fucking liar.. And You probably think I'm trampling on your feelings everytime I open my goddamn mouth.. But I guess I really shouldn't ask anything more of you but.. it would mean everything if you could somehow, just do this one last thing for me. " he jutted the small invitation to the art showcase towards Dave- his hand shaking in the slightest of ways, even that betraying his facade he had tried so hard to create.

 

"Alright I can do that, I mean we're still friends after all." He mutters bitterly wishing Dirk to feel just how much he was hurting. He was too upset and pissed off to realize how blatantly rude he is being. He takes the invitation before brushing past Dirk to head to the music room needing to work on his showcase piece as well. He was and arts major so along with just music he had to choose a monologue for his acting class as well as choose one for his photography but he had already done those a long time ago and now he finally had inspiration for this/

Dirk was a little taken aback but he sighs in relief.. at least Dave would see how he felt.. or what he loved.. who.. who he loved.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the week, Dirk didn't attend class. He was working, drawing, painting, and writing. Laboriously piecing together his heart in a puzzle of pieces. Everything holding a connection to Dave.. Those that weren't distantly related were literally pictures of him. From every angle, in every color, a word titling every piece. His confession, his proposal. But Dave wouldnt see unless he came to the show. two days more, and maybe Dirk would successfully right the wrongs he had done over the course of their relationship. Mottled with Daves hints and Dirks lies, denials.. Everything as on these canvases, every page of his sketchbook now a component to the bigger picture.

Today was the day of the art showcase actually the day of all the different showcases just all at different times. First up his monologue then photography then music. He wishes that Dirk would come to them but he knew that he fucked that up so here he is backstage and nervous seeing as hes next. He walks onto the stage taking a breath as the light follows him before starting. " Are you not ashamed, gentlemen, to have shown so little prudence for people of your age, and to have quarrelled like two young madcaps? Do you not see What harm such disputes do us in the world, and is it not enough that learned men should see the want of agreement and difference of opinions which exist between the authors of our time and our ancient masters, without our showing by our quarrels the knavery of our art? For my part, I understand nothing of the mischievous policy of some of our brethren, and we must acknowledge that all these contentions have of late done us a great deal of harm, and if we are not more careful we shall bring about our own ruin." As he preformed his voice eventually got louder with more confidence as he pours his emotions into his words.

Dirk had been in the back row of the auditorium. Decidedly, uncomfortable when he had first conned himself into talking himself into attending, really rather jumbled much like his feelings. Yet there he was, and when Dave walked onto the stage, he heard his heart, laid out before him on the stage... echoing through the room with enough passion that it moved everyone to tears. Dirk stood at the end, clapping with everyone else, but using the distraction to melt away and slip out of the doors. Biting his thumb in guilt at himself, trying explicitly hard to not break down. Not just yet.

Dave had caught that at the end of the show he had seen Dirk he saw the few tears in his eyes as he rushed out and it just made him feel defeated. Dave bows before rushing off stage to change and then hurry to the photography room. He sets up his portfolio having had chosen a perfectly take picture of Dirk to use as his feature.

Dirk was in the photography presentation room, browsing, alrhough only half seeing the displays- his eyes always dashing back to Daves photos.. Biting his lip at the pictures. He remembered when Dave had taken them, the smile that had been on his face and the easy laugh that had rolled from his slightly parted lips.Dirk remember the blush that had spread across his cheeks at Dave's compliments. Dirk grit his teeth, running a hand through his hair, he sincerely hoped that he was doing the right thing like this.

Dave isnt even in the presentation room he had left after he got set up to go to his music. He sighs as he puts the final touches on the music trying to calm himself down and prepare himself for one final performance. He hadn't actually invited Dirk to come to the others but he had given an invitation to Dirk for this one specifically.

Dirk had remembered the invitation as he glanced at the clock- running late. He had promised after all. - Dirk arrived late to the showcase for the music students, but luckily Dave hadn't performed yet according to the program- he slid into a seat at the back. row- jittery as he waited.

It's ten minutes before Dave goes out on the stage setting up his equitment before he begins to play. The song starts out slow and almost depressing but as it goes through it gets faster and louder and its obvious he poured his soul into this music. Near the end it quiets down sounding light and airy almost like a love song. It ends with a few high notes and then he just stands there for a moment panting as a bit of sweat beads down his forehead.

Dirk was one of the first to give standin ovation, clapping as he watched Dave, feeling his heart swell. But he didnt stay long to pay homage to Daves talent, instead he left quickly to head to the art exhibit, setting the final pieces of his intricate puzzle together.

**Author's Note:**

> (edit: cherubplay not props- i lost the account, so this story is discontinued till i can get it back.)


End file.
